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by Irene Rivka Becker, Chief Success Officer, Just Coach It
After many weeks of being sick, after a long time recovering from pneumonia it struck me that the path to joy, the road to greater personal happiness, fulfillment and success is not only paved with our accomplishments but with our failures. Why failure? Because failure brings us face of face with our true power and purpose or alternatively leads us down a dark path of ignoring, denying or running away from that which we each fear the most.
Our greatest fear is not that we will fail or succeed. Rather, it is the fear that something will touch that human chord that tells us that we are not good enough, that we are lesser than we can be. It is the pain of invalidation, the pain of feeling that we are not worthy of success.
Most healthy, human beings fear invalidation. It is the most one of the most difficult and gut wrenching parts of our human journey.Some people run and hide from the pain of invalidation by trying to command, control and dominate. Others become the commanded, controlled and dominated. And then, there are those who just stay safe and avoid the prospect of invalidation by doing a good job but never engage their full potential.
There is a power in falling down that has nothing to do with the act of failure and everything to do with our ability to engage the moral courage that it takes to develop our greatest ability. What is that ability? The ability to fail forward.
I believe that the ability to fail forward, the power to use our mistakes, our challenges and even the crucibles that we face to live better, lead better, communicate better and succeed better means building what I call constructive discontent.
What is constructive discontent? Psychologists would describe constructive discontent as the ability to stay grounded during an argument or conflict. But, to me it is much more. I call constructive discontent our ability to feel an emotion that is not comfortable and still continue forward by not losing the ability to tap into our potential and also remain focused on our objectives. It is an ability that once developed is a formidable tool in human relations and leadership, and it is also a pivotal skill that we can use in learning to accept our weaknesses and use our failures to build and grow our power rather than eroding the potential, imagination and purpose we need to build a better life and a better career.
What is the best way to start to learn to fail forward and develop constructive discontent? Awareness that failure is not a bad thing. Rather, it is a human thing that if used properly can be a power tool for growing our potential and developing our resiliency to stress and to change.
What can I do now, today to build a greater ability to fail forward? Start looking at the donut and not the hole. Admit your failures and also embrace your strengths by seeing the seed of learning and knowledge in failing forward.
What is the greatest prize of failure? The success that is achieved by learning to fail forward. The power, the freedom and the breakthrough results realized by learning to use failures as catalysts for personal growth, achievement, empowerment and success by learning to build constructive discontent.
